The calm after the storm

This blank text box is probably the most calming thing I've seen in what feels like ages. We had to cut our vacation short on both ends, and the short few days we were lounging on the beach were covered with a dark cloud of worry. Our dog was still home and sick with something mysterious and murky. When we left, she had been diagnosed with Lyme Disease and given an antibiotic. But while we were gone, the medicine didn't do anything for her. She had a seizure and was admitted to the animal hospital.

The day after that happened we came back from Martha's Vineyard on the ferry and drove straight to the animal hospital in the pouring rain. I was a wreck. It came in waves, really. Sitting in the standby lane waiting for the next ferry, I was fine. I was shoving a peanut butter chocolate cupcake into my mouth and reading Sloane Crosley. A few hours later, Samskeyti by Sigur Ros came up on my iPod and I started to cry. Then I was okay. Then we got to the hospital and I felt like throwing up I was so miserable.

They were keeping her in a cage. She was so drugged out she couldn't even look at me. All she had was a towel and an IV. There were sick animals everywhere and no one was paying attention to them. Emotionally, I mean. Just because some place has the best animal neurology department somewhere doesn't mean these animals are happy. As I stood in front of my dog, petting her and telling her to hold on, I heard a horrible howling sound behind me. He was a huge German Shepherd with an ugly wound and a big collar to keep him from licking it. I spent about half a minute pondering how weird it would be if I went over to be his friend, then I went over. All it took was a minute of me talking to him and he quieted down. It took all I had to not slap one of those doctors and tell them to give the same time of day to these animals.

So we left and went home and I slept until noon the next day and stayed in bed until two. That was yesterday. A waiting game. Today we finally got news. A tumor on her brainstem. They can't operate on it, but once the swelling goes down they can do radiation. The good news is we can wait for this at home, and there won't be permanent damage after they kill the tumor.

I don't know if the dust has settled yet, I don't know if we're in the clear, but I do know that we'll have our dog at home tomorrow, and that I'm forgetting what it's like to have things be simple.